We're Not in OZ Anymore

My Blue Moon Dreamboard

The Year of Jules with a Big Attitude!

Big Girl Bombshell is my other blog.  It is the one I devote most of my time too.  It is my full intention of the life I want to create for myself in 2010 and beyond

The Yellow Brick Road is my journey's path and the Ruby Red Slippers and all their magic of knowing what I have inside are the tools that will get me there!

There are many sides and dreams to Jules.  I want a bombshell attitude to shine through my physical self.  I have lived most of my life as a spitfire of determination under the layers and layers of skin and victimization. No more I say!  Over the course of the last few months, I have been going through a transformation of honesty with myself.  For those of you that have followed my journey, I made friends with the wicked witch and it really has changed my perspective.  Now, in 2010 it is time to deal with my addiction.  My addiction to only wishing and dreaming of what life would be like if I were thin. It is time to start living as if I was already there.  To stop believing all those old tapes of what I grew accustomed to believing about myself.  To no longer live up to the things the old Wicked Witch instilled in my thoughts. 

My body is addicted to the weight  and all the lack of self-care it has been given.  For 2010, I will direct my path with excitement and the thrill of learning to treat myself as I have always treated others.  I am no longer afraid of the change.  I am who I am inside and changing the dressings on the outside WILL NOT change that.  I will commit to learning to cook, eat, and exercise with the newness and fun of learning new tricks!

On the outside, I appear as if I take life to seriously.  Always trying to do the right thing and most people have put me on a pedestal that I do not like.  A pedestal of perfection and a do-gooder.  In my thoughts, I am a dreamer, a little kid at heart, who wants to play because I didn't get to do that growing up.  I had to live under a huge veil of fear of doing the wrong thing.  It comes across sometimes as being flaky or dingy..  The pendullum swing of over responsible to irresponsible.  I want to find the balance between the two.  I want to integrate back into my body and become whole. 

Thank yo Jamie for all the magic you perpetuate through Wish Casting and Dreamboards.  It has put the spark back into my life.  I will be forever grateful!

Supercalifragilisticxpalidocious is all I can say.......oops wrong fairytale story!
Jamie's Wishcasting Wednesday.......Last one for 2009 and the wish prompt is
What do you wish for 2010?  But a power-filled time to be making wishes. On the eve of a Blue Moon.  It is said that a blue moon only occurs every two and a half years. A blue moon, a new year, and a new decade all in one day. As I sit here, contemplating all my goals and wishes, in the back of my head, I hear the little voice of Glinda saying, "Make it GOOD Julie Kay!  Make it real! Make it honest!"

So here goes.  I have said it many times lately, I wish to live my life to its fullest potential.  My Christmas morning wish post is what I wish for myself to get to where I want to be.  To give myself the gift of living.  I use my blogs as a big part of that living.   Big Girl Bombshell is the blog I use as a continual affirmation and visualization for my attitude and body image.  This blog, I use to support my spirituality, which is totally based on the Wizard of Oz..

Wishcasting is powerful - powerful ladies who come together once a week to support each other.  By the way, I got the leather jacket I wished for awhile back, for Christmas.  As 2009, comes to an end, I am grateful how far I have come.  I have a loving relationship, with the extra gift of another daughter. I have two adult kids who I am extremely proud of, I have a beautiful home, and I am looking forward to facilitating some groups starting at the end of January.  Something I have really missed.  I am grateful I have a good job with great benefits, but with all that.....there is still a big piece that I feel is missing.  ME!  So, to be real, MY biggest wish is to feel comfortable AND lovable in my own skin.  I wish to become whole! That is truly when I will feel I have come home again and the slippers will have done their magic! 

To each and every one of you....I raise my glass and toast to you that
ALL your wishes come true in 2010!

With love.............Julie Kay!



...

On Christmas morning, I posted that 2010 was going to be the year that I would fully step out of the Tower.  In the last several months, I have enjoyed the support and love from the women involved in Wishcasting Wednesday. I have hinted at my story and some of the importance of the Wizard of Oz, but I still have been holding myself back.  In one of my earlier posts, back in September, in my tribute post to the Wizard of Oz's Anniversary:  Happy 70th Birthday  I mentioned writing my book, that has been in my imagination for years.  I have been too scared to put it out to the world.  But now is the time, to at least start sharing on my blog pages.
It is about my addiction and my recovery.  I am a member of Alanon.  I have struggled with issues of co-dependency and most recently I am admitting my powerlessness over my addiction to food and my weight. Food and my weight became my survival mechanisms to dealing with life, relationships, and past triggers. 

The Wizard of Oz became my imaginative way of dealing with my healing from growing up in an alcoholic home. Each character and several scenes became my way to ease my pain while doing many of the 12 steps.  For me, I just changed wherever it says alcohol to the affects of another's addiction.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

So the new journey will begin.  I will deal with my own issues with my weight and behaviors around that and tell the story as I know it -- through the lens of the Wizard of Oz.

And as they say at any meeting... Keep coming back, it works if you work it..........

I wake up several hours before the rest of the household.  This is when I write.  I enjoy the quiet and stillness of the morning.  Today is Christmas.  The anticipation of family, friends, love, and special surprises that are in store for the day.  The dawn of a new day.  This year, I am excited about Christmas.  I have had an incredible year.  I have made friends with the Wicked WitchFor  and the journey is changing.  What I anticipate for the end of this decade, and the newness of a whole new place in time, is MY LIFE! 

For 2010, Dorothy will be changing things up a bit.  My existence as it has been in the past will change.  I will no longer be the victim of my own Witch's Tower and I will wear those Ruby Red Slippers proudly!  Life is a gift.  I am grateful, so very, very grateful, for my writing.  Whether it is read or not, it brings me peace and joy and movement on a bright Yellow Brick Road. 

In the original L. Frank Baum story, the Ruby Red Slippers were silver.  Silver would have been dull and boring in a movie based in technicolor.  But sometimes, those Silver Slippers are what we need for our day to day existence.  Steady routine.  No Bling! Just the happy contentment of living. 

For 2010, I plan to fully step out of the tower, share my story, and exactly why the Wizard of Oz is so damn important to me.  It is my spirituality.  My higher power is Glinda and the whole cast of characters.  My goal for 2010, is to integrate back into my physical existence and become whole!  My intention is to finally deal with my addiction.  My addiction to food and the weight I have carried for way to long. 

My gift to myself this Christmas Day is to finally and completely break the cycle.  The cycle of addiction that has long plaqued my family.  Addiction comes in many, many forms.  Alcohol, Drugs, Sex, Money, Food and a host of others.  My addiction has been caring for others, enabling both them with their own separate addictions and in turn myself with food and weight.

As the saying goes, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.  It is time to get real, really real about my life and where I am heading with this.  I WANT TO LIVE.  I want to live MY life.  I want to encourage my own potential.  There is a gorgeous, beautiful, sparkling lady under all these layers that is DYING to become the best she can be. 

The excitement and anticipation of the new year is just like Santa truly came to visit - or in this journey - THE WIZARD.  So I raise my glass a little early and give myself the gift of living the life I have always dreamed of.

Here's to the Silver and the Ruby Red Slippers.  Click 3 Times - Julie Kay is coming home!

Today's wish....What do you wish for this holiday season? This is an easy one for me this week.  I wish for everyone to enjoy and BELIEVE in the magic of the season.

Our journey on the yellow brick road carries us through many situations throughout the year. Through the storms that land us in uncharted territory - into the cornfields of learning, the snowstorms that can make our heart rust shut, and the dark forest with the lions, tigers and bears. But especially in the holiday season, we can set that all aside and wear our Ruby Red Slippers proud.

They take us home. Home to the simple pleasures of a silly little dance, a journey that takes us off to see the Land of Oz with its beautiful emerald city, the horse of different colors, soaring in a hot air balloon, to all the people we meet along the way.  They take us home to the simple things within our heart that bring us joy and anticipation of hopes, dreams and wants that DO come true~the magic!.

So, what I wish for this holiday season is for everyone to be young in heart.  Wear your Ruby Red Slippers proud. BELIEVE in the true magic and miracles of the season. Believe in the GOOD!

Let the true beauty of the Good Witch Glinda shine through this season. That knowing and encouragement that we are supported, loved, and SPECIAL.

Wave your magic wand, see the season through a child's eyes with all the magic and possibilities. Give your heart openly like a child.  ALLOW the miracles to happen!

So all together now.  Click 3 Times.  Click, Click, Click.  Feel the excitement.  Feel the joy.  Feel the love!
Feel the belief and the power that you, too, can create miracles!

I wish you all the JOY and MAGIC of the season!. 

Boy, Jamie has outdone herself with this one.  "What do you wish to give?".
So many things are spinning in my head.  A deep, heartfelt question; certainly appropriate for the season.  What I wish to give not only for today but throughout the year is the gift of magic. 

The magic of being Young in Heart and seeing life through a child's eyes.

So goody, goody, gumdrops!  I will play the Wizard today! 

I wish to give all the Scarecrow's a brain.  The belief that they are truly wise and intelligent, no matter what their book smarts may be.

I wish to give all the Tin Men a heart.  The capacity to open the tin chest and fill it with love. Not only love for others, but love for themselves.

I wish to give all the Cowardly Lions courage.  The courage to face their fears and rise above them. 

I wish to give all the Munchkins joy.  The playful wonderment of being little and everything is new and exciting.

I wish to give all the Glinda's the wisdom to guide and support and encourage others.

But most of all, I wish to give all the Dorothy's the belief in themselves and the power of the Ruby Red Slippers. 

Be young in heart, let go of your frustrations and disappointments, even if just for a day.  Not only remember, but truly believe in the magic and the power of the journey HOME.  Home is where the heart is and that is where it all starts.  Give yourself and the little kid within the true joy and magic of the season!
 

Since making friends with the Wicked Witch several weeks back things have been going pretty smoothly but still there was a sense of something missing.  Was I missing the chaos of fearing the Wicked Witch?  Today, I had the opportunity to discover, face and release what that additional piece was.  It was actually the safety of the tower. 

Have you ever heard the old story about the dog that is abused and forced to stay in his cage?  Once the abuse stops and the cage door is left open, he still cowers in the corner of the cage.  The physical freedom may be there but the mental freedom is not there yet.

That is what I was sensing.  The missing piece -- the freedom to leave the tower.  It wasn't the Wicked Witch at all.  It was the safety of the dark, stone tower.  The safety because that had been the only thing I knew for so long.  The silence, the loneliness. 

The power of affirmations and visualization often help.  I visualized the top of the tower blowing right off and spewing into the air.  I saw myself flying....soaring out through the top.  All those years of trying to break down the walls, to fix what was wrong.  So the journey for the rest of the year is to prepare for 2010.

In 2010, the trip will start again but this time the I will add the companion of the witch and the flying monkeys. Should be fun!

Wishcasting Wednesday -- My day to check in with me and make a wish. 
A Bold Wish, A Beautiful Wish.

Today's wish is What is your Spirit Wishing For?  

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

Today is that Someday.  I now wish upon my stars and KNOW my dreams are coming true.  Coming true each and every day with every tiny step I take.  My spirit wishes to support me in ALL my dreams.  To encourage me to take each step necessary.  My spirit wishes to encourage me to be young in heart  with each new experience that I am ALLOWING myself to take.


My spirit wishes to merge fully with the person I am, to no longer be a separate entity.  To become comfortable in my own skin.  To participate in my life, not just watch and wish. 

My spirit wishes that all of you reading this today, find that comfort in your own skin and KNOW that Everything is Possible.

Wow. It's been almost a week since I posted here.  Making friends with the Wicked Witch has certainly made life a heck of a lot more fun, and busy.  A lot of that has to do with the holidays, I'm sure. Big Girl Bombshell has been distracting me a bit.  The Wicked Witch is helping me with my theory about getting to the CORE which I have been posting over there.  It was time to come home for a visit, tho. 

I am enjoying my life tremendously right now.  Like the kid in the candy store.  I have a new friend with my Wii, I am meeting my special guys Mom for the first time, and I have a second interview for a job change on Wednesday.  I have written a couple of guest posts for a couple other blogs.  Life is good.

I have been doing a lot of retrospective thinking recently.  It is where I seem to go during the holidays.  But its different this year.  VERY different.  I actually am achieving several of my goals and wishes for 2009 and have built a great foundation for 2010, which will be the year of ME!  Stepping out of the self-imposed limitations of my weight and my negative thoughts.  The journey on the Yellow Brick Road will be quite different and I will start back in Munchkinland and change my story.  Yippee!  Click, Click, Click.

I feel I am finally starting that trek to the other side of the rainbow.  Can't wait to see the story unfold.

Yippee Skippee!  Today is Wishcasting Wednesday!
Jamie asks, What is your Winter Wish?

The Ruby Red Slippers, Of Course!

The magic of Click 3 Times!  Bold, Beautiful, and Authentic!


Winter has often been a tough season for me.  I am a sunshine girl.  But this winter, instead of looking for ways to escape the cold, wet, winter and the darkness, I intend to use the time to focus on my own backyard and releasing what those things that have held me back from me.  Getting home and getting to the core. 

As most of you know, I have another blog, Big Girl Bombshell.  For December, I am starting a series of posts about getting to the core. That is truly my winter wish.  The journey of putting one of my theories to the test.  Putting action behind my dreams, my ideas, and my heartfelt wishes of what I am trying to create as a writer and as a human being.

Jamie let me know that I will be the guest poster tomorrow on her site.  I hope that you will visit and see a little bit more of what is inside my mirror. Wishcasting has made a huge difference in my life and my journey. If it all ended today, I can honestly say I am happy and I feel blessed.  I have so many of you to thank for this.  You have all become my Scarecrow, Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, Glinda and the Wizards in Jules' heart.  I hope to continue this journey into unknown territory because you have helped to make it a little less scary and I am excited to continue on.   

A few weeks ago, I posted Returning to Oz and honoring the little girl in the mirror.  It happened so quickly, yet it has seemed like a thousand steps in that short period of time.  One of my biggest dreads for the holidays, are the pictures afterwards.  You know, all the people, but then there is you.  This big person who is not at all as you thought. 

My camera  came off a separate shelf that adds 50 pounds instead of 5. When my guy called me yesterday and told me he posted our Thanksgiving picutes on Facebook, I went into sudden panic.  No, not there.  Not for the whole world to see.  My heart was racing and I thought I would explode! 

When I got home from work, I just tried to busy myself, but I couldn't resist.  I checked out the pictures.  What did I see?  I saw ME and the immediate thought.... (insert Drumroll please)  Wow, Jules, you look like you have lost some weight!  Excuse me,  where did that come from.  No beating myself up.  Next thought, Look at all my family having a great time!  Lots of love around that table. EUREKA, a breakthrough!

Making friends with the witch has certainly taken a huge chunk of the drama out of my self-thoughts.  Can't wait to see the Christmas pictures!